impostoring

well i have this problem currently. i sincerely feel like an impostor at my clinicals. yes, its true, i've done all the coursework and studied hard. i've made good grades, yet i still feel like i have no clue what i'm doing.
today i could hardly take a child's pulse for goodness sakes! and i certainly couldn't make a stab at the correct dose of medication change for a patient. and to think i'll be out of school in a year.
i'm going to chalk it up to a bad day or week. or maybe PMS.
let's hope for better tomorrow. let's hope i feel more competent soon.

new authors

while in school, i am doing a rather silly thing. discovering new authors in the midst of not having enough time to read what i am required to read. ah well--suppose it is that hidden rebel in me to further procrastinate in a passive aggressive way.

two new authors i am loving
robert farrar capon
"The church is not in the world to teach sinners to straighten up and fly right. That's the world's business; and on the whole it does a fairly competent - even a gleefully aggressive - job of it. The church is supposed to be in the forgiveness business. Its job in filling pulpits is to find derelict nobodies who are willing to admit that they're sinners and mean it."

wendell berry
"When despair for the world grows in me, and I wake in the night at the least sound in fear of what my life and my children's lives may be -- I go and lie down where the wood drake rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds. I come into the peace of wild things who do not tax their lives with forethought or grief. I come into the presence of still water. And I feel above me the day-blind stars waiting with their light. For a time I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.”

importance of friends

i am so thankful for my wonderful friends. i am truly blessed. just this afternoon i had a marvelous talk with my friend, maya, and i realized how fortunate i am to have so many people in my life who know me and support me. it really is a strength for me right now.

tonight i head out for the book club with our fearless leader, jamie. we are studying "from noon til three" by robert fararr capon. it is a radical picture of grace hedged in a parable akin to the book of Hosea. it describes the multiple affairs of a man who receives grace from an unlikely source--one of his mistresses.

well--here's to friendship and the joy it brings in life!

addictions

trader joes chocolate covered almonds
my bed--sleeping
myspace, myspace, myspace
checking my email in an OCD way
trimming my cuticles
smelling my hair
i think that's all . . .

why i love my street

cv and i had a lot of fun tonight with our neighbors. we took the dogs to the park and met some other dog owners. simon was less than kind to the new dogs, but we are working with him on it.
our neighbor kids, pepe, age 6, and his little brother, age 4, came over to play with the dogs. they also were great "poo poo" spotters for us while we were cleaning up the yard.
then we watched willie and his family across the street set off fireworks. it is so fun to watch their family dance and giggle.
i am excited about getting the house ready for our church friends to come for a BBQ tomorrow.