20 Firsts

1.Who was your first prom date?
darren roy cook. he is also the first person i ever cussed at and is the only person i've ever slapped across the face.

2. Who was your first roommate?
robyn laverne lee in waco, texas at baylor

3. What alcoholic beverage did you drink when you got drunk the first time?
i've really hardly been drunk, but i think first sort of tipsy was at steak and ale when i was a hostess at age 16--they had "wine tasting" for the staff. most recently it was on my tenth anniversary trip to kauai--i drank one mai tai at 3 p.m. and was buzzed.

4. What was your first job?:
i was a hostess at the waffle house.
are you seeing a theme here? classy. i quit this job on day 3 because the creepy fry cook with a mustache kept hitting on me. he was 24 and i was like 14. also i vomited the last day of my work there. classy.

5. What was your first car? 1970 something continental mark V --- it was enormoose!


6. When did you go to your first funeral that you can remember? friend of a friend's funeral in college. it was really sad and bizarre. he was only 21 and had been shot in the head. his face looked all waxy.

7. How old were you when you first moved away from your hometown? 18

8. Who was your first grade teacher? mrs. hamilton--she was a really good reading teacher.

9. Where did you go on your first ride on an airplane?
who knows==maybe oklahoma to florida?

10. When you snuck out of your house for the first time, who was it with? my boyfriend, channing, when I was in 8th grade. we "t. p.ed" our friend, kenda. my dad found out a day later from a neighbor and i got grounded for a month.

11. Who was your very first Best Friend and are you still friends? holly nicole shackelford. and yes we are still friends--26 years later.

12. Where was your first sleepover?
my boyfriend, ryan williams, when i was 4 or 5 in a tent in his backyard.

13. Who is the first person you call when you have a bad day? cee vee, my hubby.

14. Whose wedding were you in the first time? jenni wagnon's i think.

15. What is the first thing you do in the morning? take the dogs out or shove the cat off my pillow.

16. What was the first concert you ever went to? "the eagles" with my dad on valentines day, 2nd was rod stewart with my mom.

17. First tattoo or piercing?
i have no tattoos or piercings (except ear) . . . yet.

18. First celebrity crush? shaun cassidy or johnny mathis.

19. Age of first kiss? kindergarten, matthew ford behind a refrigerator box in his garage. (man, i am sounding a little loose!)

20. First crush? heath riddles, 7th grade, friend from church. uh yeah, he was my first real "date." uh yeah, now he is a gay rights activist in austin.

sadly

sadly my favorite tv show, everwood, will have its last episode next monday night. how did i not know that was happening? this show has been so thoughtful and complex--with a strong emphasis on mental health. crazy that it is going away and so many cheesey shows continuing.

at least i can enjoy one last two-hour fun session with these characters.

three cheers for rain

for real, i think i've become 1/2 duck. only a few days ago after the 3rd day of 80 degree weather, i noticed how dusty the ground was, and thought--wow--I wish it would rain, that we would have a really grey day. well, "ask and you shall receive"--today was a typically gray oregon day. and i loved it. we will have a gray rainy weekend too. yippee! good study weather. cooling rain. no watering the plants.
quack!

what a week!

last thursday, as some of you know, i cut my hair. short. and i love it. its a lot of fun and easy and cool.


other than that this week has been an emotional drainer for several reasons. sunday was mother's day and while the day itself was quite nice, i was saddened that i am not yet a mother. i really would love to have my own little one to celebrate the day with.

monday was an intense day at my internship at the st. v's eating disorders clinic. i think i had a little too much transference/countertransference and left just drained emotionally.

tuesday, i got news bright and early that nick will not move to clackamas after all. multnomah county folks refused to pay for this program, so now we are back to square one. in light of the "desire to be a mom" and have my "kid-like" guy nearby, this really broke my heart. for the first time i found myself with this almost uncontrollable urge to cry while in class. i held back and my friend maya helped cheer me up on break as we commisserated about little boys and wanting babies.

today i saw my therapist. that was helpful and i boo-hooed a lot. i think i'm staying home to work on an assignment and read in lieu of class--we are studying something that i will likely never need to know in my career. ah priorities.

tomorrow is yet another landmark--cv and i will be married for 10 whole years. wow! we are going to spend the morning and afternoon out at the coast together to celebrate.

5 a.m. with the Saint of Basements

It was amazing. There were only 5 of us, but we were deeply affected. Jessica, CV, Jake, Josh and I. Our topic was community. Our artist was San Keller. We met in the basement. It was so striking to discuss the correlation between our new faith community and his art. The desire to present the connection and invitation without the shoulds predominating. Also the differences between San's work of pulling together people for one time experience vs. creating on-going community. His work around the "warmth of friends" was really thought provoking. His presentation of himself in vulnerability so like the person of Christ.

This will seem lame from an art point of view, but as our impromptu action we offered homemade chocolate chip cookies to strangers in the "3rd place" community known as Starbucks and on the sidewalk. It was very interesting to see how others responded. Some seemed suspicious, others received gratefully. One lovely black woman took a picture of us. The guy, Kiev, who came with San to create documentary on his 48 hrs in Portland, called our work "cookie community." We exchanged addresses with San so that we may "pen-pal" with him and continue in a sort of community together. Jessica (the cookie baker) pledged to mail him one chocolate chip cookie a month, presented in various ways.

We plan to continue to develop further ways to use public art to send messages. One of the things I am motivated to do is invite several people from our church to each connect with an immigrant without legal status and create a bridge of people along the Burnside Bridge here in Portland during the morning commute time. The Burnside Bridge being where many recent immigrants wait for work as day laborers. I want our physical presence, hand-in-hand
there to speak as a united message of connection and support for them as fellow humans who deserve rights in our country.

things that make me feel . . . .

anxious . . .
reading in nick's recent psych eval that he is not sure whether anyone really loves him :-( -- this also makes me feel SUPER SAD
imagining myself evaluating patients and prescribing meds on my own
a crowded clinic where i am giving lots of babies vaccines
simon whining
preparing for an advanced pathophysiology test

better . . .
writing in my blog
taking a walk with CV
enjoying the plum tree, roses, and bougainvilla outside my office window
squeezing cleocatra catten
praying
listening to music
deep breathing
getting a hug

grumpy

i haven't written here in awhile. part of it has been my rapid push from activity to activity. the other part has been my own lack of self reflection. i really just want a few lazy days with no responsibilities. all the while, my school tasks are piling higher . . . blecho.

last night was our 4th c-group dinner at our house. it was great to sit on the porch with friends and eat a good dinner. we watched our cute neighbor children run up and down the street giggling and playing.

today i was at the ED clinic again. it was interesting to see how clients had progressed and to observe the role of structure in providing health for them. i know that is true in my own life. yet, without some outside source, i tend to slide into flex time.

speaking of that structure . . . today i will write my treatment plan for class and study for felver's mid-term. tomorrow i will draw up lots of injections for the revaccination initiative for multnomah county for a few hours. then i will study again. sunday, i have a "group" study session with colin, and whoever else comes to albina press link:
http://www.portlandfoodanddrink.com/?p=49.
then vibrant leadership team mtg, then church. . .

monday is another day at ED clinic. study/project work with maya & andrea that night. tuesday- - - the TEST. . .

word on the street is that nicolas will be in clackamas county very soon. i am excited and a bit anxious about how this may change our relationship. it will be good to have him close by, but also an additional responsibility for us.